"Pornography is like Lobster"

yesterday was a freakin looooonnnggg ass day, but it was awesome

i was up at 6 and at work the kiddies by 6:30...opening was so damn hard phst...then alex of course came in late..cause hes alex and hes a loser lol but he did offer to get me something at dunkin which was nice of him....then there was the game at 9. i had the sicked goal ever and Francesco brought me more coffee cuase hes awesome like that...then there was more work and fooling around and getting yelled at. and of course i felt bad. but it was still fun....and the fucked up big with the medals, i felt like sucha moron and still do. but how they hell did i know. i dont know the coaches..one of the high school girls coaches came int he office earlier and i was like you are....? whatev!...then it was ski time. the ride up was fuckin awesome. im so entertaining :) lol...the skiing was ok. it was crowded and a bit boring. but then sam and i decided to beast every run. haha it was awesome..then it was time to bounce. and i drove home. and i totally didnt know i had to get on to 202. i didnt remember that cause i wasnt driving up and i wasnt paying attention. so we went a little into no-wheres-ville, then turned around. asked for a little help and go on the right track. the rain got pretty bad. it was really really hard to see. so i was glad i was driving just cause i woulda been too nervous watchings some else drive. we hit a little traffic due to and accident, which was visious....finally got home and finally went to be about 1:30 cause of the time thingie

today was fun...chuch was effin long....then i ahd lunch with Shaina at the 99 which was fun cuase she and I havent hung for a while...then i went to the art show with my stuff in it. the labels got messed up somehow and like all of my work was labelled with alicia's name, so ms Mckenna got all in a tizzy and was like o no! so she started making labels to put on my work lol....then it was game time again...i played horrible, i was pretty pissed....later i went to MGH to visit Julian with Chaves. hes amazing. he truly is. felt so sick and he looked so tired. so we just let him sleep and talked with his mum for a bit. he probably wont remember that we came, but its ok.

julian is my hero. today his mom was telling up that julia said he wants to be a doctor ebcause when he grows up he doesnt want kids to go through what he went through. not like curing cancer but making them get bettter faster and making it a less painful process. i simply adore him. hes my inspiration to study biomedical enginerring ebcause i wanna help, jsut like him. Julian is my hero.

ay yi yi

so this entry is little different than the last which is good lol


infatuated much? hahaha o gosh....o gosh hahaha....this is bbbbaaaaaddddd hahaha

or not?
lol :)


ummm yea...thats all that really matters right now lol


its not our time right now, i think. so its time for me to really see whats right in front of me. and there he is. making me smile.



syzmanski can suck it!...hard!!!! im sooooo done with school

sunday: interview went awesome :) ummmm didnt play well at my game....went to jasons for bit, we didnt watch the superbowl lol...thats all i remember lol

monday: meeting with DR.D didnt go that great. hes really negative about getting graduation outside. arg. field trip was ok. i jsut wish my art was hanging up :(....went to matts grandmother's wake :( im glad i was there for him. i think he was too. hes grandfather was cute. he tried to hook me and matt up. it was funny.....Fuds that night was great. I love my class and my friends :)

tuesday: ??? ummmm ??? i think that was the day johnny driscoll and i followed ms cooke. we were about to turn around to go get chaves and stop following her but she turns to. she went to curves ahahahahaha!!!! it was great. she saw us i guess. JOhnny driscoll just said we were going to panera but then had to turn again to go back and get someone. what a classic day. :)

wednesday: last baby blanket making. I have passed the torch to maria haha shes to cute. johnny driscoll is an excellent baby blanket maker haha... we went to panera after and chatted for a really long time. bonding time with my love is always fun! then dropped some soup off at chaves and head to the meet...last reg. track meet :( so sad. im gonna miss my team so much. they are awesome. Francesco and Alex came to watch casue they are awesome. Sam, Johnny Driscoll, Mario, and Nide all fought over me. hahah it was sooo funny. I love my track boys to death!!!! I ran my best time this season, which was nice. but not enough to win...why must my starts suck lol. i need to work on that monday like woah!

thursday: annoyed day. someone keeps stealing my photos, usuallu my best one, out of the drying rack, and putting them in the box of crappy photos that we paint for fun. I printed this awesome one, solarized, of BC. I fuckin fell in love with the print after it was done. And then today, the day after i print it. I see someone painting it cause they found it in the box :( so so so sad. people suck. after track Chaves, Johnny Driscoll, Mario and i headed to malden to try to put the track sweat money in. The place of course was closed. Then we headed to the BK lounge. thank god i have them. they are the three best people i know. Johnny Driscoll makes it his mission to cheer me up when im sad cause hes just that awesome.

friday: i love pavey's workouts. they are so easy haha. Sam was mad at me cause i wouldnt be his date haha Victoria and I had to have the funniest track practice yet. lol Johnny Driscoll and I headed to Malden again. this time the guy tells me the sweats are gonna be 35-45 dollars, total lie. i was bullshit. so we went to the BK lounge again. and just chilled for a bit. then i went home, showered, and headed to Boston. I was late meeting Joe :( which i didnt mean to be. We headed over to Chilli Duck, which is awesome. I hope he liked it. Then we walked to Newbury comics and puttsed around there for a bit. Then our time was up, it was 8:30, and that sucked. i kinda had something to say but never really got to say it. grrr. who knows when the next time he'll hang out with me. we'll see i suppose...

today i got up at 6:30 which was vicous! i had a game at 7 and now im at work. we won our game like woah...i think i scored twice. a fat girl stepped on my already swollen ankle and then right after kicked me in the stomach....major suckage. now im working. its really slow and boring. and Francesco doesnt come til 12 and Alex not til 1. Not its not entertaining at all.

Someone needs to take me to JR prom cause i wanna go lol I wanna get a job at a cafe or breakfast place or something like that. I cant wait til this week is over so i can go on break. Going to a play at AB tonight with Chaves and Jase. It should be fun! Din tomorrow with Angel.

i have a shit load of stuff to do lol i should do it

wow that was long...i warned you

so work was peachy.

we won our game, but i mean, how could we not. i played like shit. my knees and ankles hurt so bad i could barely stand. theres something wrong with me. there has to be. ive never been in so much constant pain in my life. everyday after i run i feel it. every time i play. i mean youd think id be in decent shape by now? whatever


at work i reliezed i promised chaves the night before id go shopping with her. i must have been completely out of it. i looooooaaaaaaaaattttttthhhhhhhheeeeee shopping. and of course we had to go prom dress shopping. even better. we found nothing. i got like anxiety from being in Deb. i do not belong in that store. Macy's had crap. How are chaves and i friends anyways? we are seriously complete opposites. she loves english, i love math. she loves shopping and being girl, and well i dont. she wants to throw this huge brithday party, and i kinda hope people forget about mine. lol and for the best quote ever: "mosco? like the country?"


then we went to johnny driscolls and we hung out there for a bit. then we left, walked in a circle around Burlington coat factory, and then back to pick up johnny driscoll. we went to chaves' house and cuddled/salted each other on her bed. then i got emo. so left to get food. we got some kellys and i felt kinda sick after. i let johnny driscoll drive around the school parking lot. then marco, satchel, and jackie came by and asked us to hang out with them. but chaves was tired and i just was not in the mood to do much of anything and i didnt feel good. so we let johnny driscoll go and i dropped off chaves. and that was about it


i have my CMU interview. o my! then work and playoffs, then maybe the superbowl party thing? idk


o yea. and never try use me like that again. you never want to hang out with me. you dont tell me anything about your life ever. i tried. i really did. i opened up to you. i talk to you about stuff. ive always tried to help you, but that was just low. i dont mind saying we are friends and stuff and we have some friends in common, but to use me like that? i mean u coulda at least tried to hide it. wow. thats all i can say to you is wow.



idk want sucked more. that phone call or the lack of someone elses


i love sarah chaves and johnny driscoll

So its finally saturday...thank god! this week seemed like it took forever. but heres the update:

wednesday...ummm i dont think i remember haha. i think i was moody that it was wednesday...ooo wait. that was the day i felt uber sick/dizzy/lightheaded all freakin day. and it totally ruined the day, especially since we paid for our grad cap and gown. that was supposed to be fun and giddy, but i felt like passing out haha. coach was like dont practice and go home. but i didnt think i should drive just then, so i stayed and help divy abd liz. fun times....then i went to friendly's with angel. it was supposed to fud night for sr class, but something happened with pipes on route one so it got put off til monday. so friendlys helped a lot. i hate soooo much. and i finally felt better. i love dinners with angel. they really are the best. especially when mario, ajdin, nide, and the love of my life, steven armstrong (haha, do really do love that kid) show up and nide tried to hit on angel. it was sooo funny. i love my track boys :)

thursday: fucking the half day god finally smiled on me. no APs. photo, english, film...best line up of classes ever!! pavey is fucking hilarious. seriously. i have the best quotes from his classes ever written down and ill post them later. jase and i went to panera after school and chilled for a bit. then i had track and soccer.but inbetween i went to the swim meet. they won! it was fucking amazing. i was so proud and happy to be there with them. i even got to do the lap counter for nadia one last time. it was great. we both like cried after. i really did miss the team, not the swimming itself, but i loved that team. leaving them had to be one of the hardest things i ever had to do, i dont regret it, but it was still probably the hardest thing ever and i dont regret the time i had with them. i went to soccer and i was on so sorta high cause i was just laughing and laughing...then i went hope and moped cuase it seemed like everyone is in college except me. My Hanslin got accepted into Regis. I was happy for him, but at the same time sad that everyone seems to be getting letter except me. but then the dean of admin from Stanford called me!! hahaha it was fucking incredible. i mean all he asked was for me to email him my resume cause they didnt get it. but he was like your application is awesome and the recommendations are wonderful and he cant wait to read my resume. it was amazing. i went back on my high after that.

yesterydat was my last job shadowing day. :( i went to Madison printing. it was awkward at first cause the guy i was with was not very social. in high school he def locked himself in his room and drew cartoons all day and didnt talk to anyone. haha but then the guy i was supposed to shadow came and it and got fun. we tried to go on a photo shoot which woulda been awesome. but we couldnt get in the place where we were gonna take the pics. but it was still fun. the guy was wicked nice and really funny. and i guess he just had his first daughter so he was like im gonna practice on you and he was like "no dating til your fifty" and he said it a million times lol. the pizza party was really fun. Maria Dreeszen and Amanda Digitale are by far the too cutest people ever! Maria was so excited about her toothbrush. it was so fucking funny. we all used it as the joke the rest of the day. the snow god decided not to smile on us. so we had practice. and it sucked. no one wanted to be there. no one was mentally ready to run. but he made the best deal with us. if we all ran the first 110 of the 2nd part of our work out in under 15 wed be down. everyeone did it, mostly coming in at 13/14. it was awesome. after track i drove johnny driscoll, satchel, and bobby driscoll to the driscoll household. it was there i met Papa Driscoll but the best part was i got to talk to mamma driscoll. then johnny driscoll, satchel and i left. I dropped them off at satchelsand i went home for a bit. then finally chaves call me and we went outs. we were just driving around and then we saw mario with nide and ajdin. so we decided to stalk them. they picked up joe p first and then henry. it was so fucking funny. we kinad lost them out route one cause i had to pass them cause i couldnt get over in the lane. but of course instead of them goijng someplace interesting. they went bowling. we knew it. we drove voer to townline and there was the car. lol we tried to write on it but it was raining so it all washed off. but it was still fuckin hilarious. then we jsut went back to her house. we had a nice long chat..or should i say session...did i tell everyone im going into couple theropy and im gonna get a tv show and everything haha, but anyways...but we had a nice talk. and it was great just to hang out with her. friday nights are now our night which is awesome. we also made the best bet ever. but everything needs to go to shit first before we can go for it. but its still the best bet ever! hahahahaha

today is saturday. and i am at work. i have a game soon. then i work again. then at 3 i get out. chaves and i might be going prom dress shopping, yay! and then i hopefully will be hanging out with joe :) so we'll see. hopefully today will be a good day...i think it will be.

i thought 2nd semester was supposed to be less stressful
i thought 2007 was supposed to start of great!

for like two seconds 2007 was great....and 2nd semester hasnt be so fun

yearbook can blow me right now....blah! i love how i had a whole month to do what i needed to and now i have about a week. bite me!!!!! grrrrrrr...not fair and not fun!

i have to field trips coming up. Szymanski is gonna eat me. i kinda dont care right now, and i think i owe her a session, im not sure haha....and if Sikorski thinks im gonna stay after to make up work, she is mistaken

track is getting a bit old..i hate going, dont mind being there, but hate going. im just tried and i need a break

last night i suggested that we shoulda made a facebook addict superlative for the yearbook to go along with myspace addict. and since i woulda won that (cuase im a facebook whore! lol), ellen and i could take a pic battling. she could be trying to take a "myspace pic" and ill be poking her....brilliant idea i know

played with tony's pub tonight. it was fun. a little odd. and i didnt play good at all except for like one "vicious" (supposedly) move i pulled. but we won. and i hope i make up next time i play with them for playing crappy tonight even though they all told me a did good. but i have new hot turfs so thats all the matters! haha they are sick. they are bright blue with green stripe. even andres said they were hot! haha

tonight was a mess. never go over a toll without money or checks cause it sucks.

i wish they would stop fighting. has no one learned that life is too short to hold all these grudges. especially between so called friends. as of tonight i am surrendering my hate list. (even though there were only two people on it...and yes only two). im sick of all this. if vanessa's death has done anything for me, its shown me that life waaaaay to short to be angry. i wish i could make my best friend see its all gonna be ok and stop her crying. but i dont know if i can....id wish theyd stop fighting :(


best part of the night
kevin has just told erin she won the most goals title...she asks for her prize....kevin points at alex
erin: oh no way! you're to young for me! (looks at me and then asks alex)...do you have a girlfriend (alex shakes his head no and then she looks at me again)...you gotta boyfriend? (i shake my head no....everyone starts laughing)
kevin: erin the match maker!
erin: (looks at andres) do you have a boyfriend?? (everyone dies laughing)
i heart the indoor center

ok this weekend kinda sucked

a bunch of my friends went skiing this weekend. i wanted to go :( but i couldnt cause im broke, i needed to work, i had two games, and i had a cornell interview.

i hate doing parties at work. they suck ass. i loathe those little kids. and of course i didnt get tipped. blah. i guess im gonna train some kid how to do parties soon. im glad i get to do it cause i actually run the parties right and clean well. i hate having to come to work and clean up after the other people who do the parties. i also gonna get trained to open on saturdays. yay i get to get up at 6 and open the indoor center. im so excited. they better pay me more thats all i have to say. im not getting up that early for min wage lol

work wasnt so bad on saturday. its always an entertained day with Francesco, Andres, Carlos, and David. I was just muy tired. We had a game at 8 in the morning. it was really boring, but i score three goals and then my turfs feel to pieces haha. Then i totally lied to my mum and drove to NH and met Sam and Pat to pick up JOhnny Driscoll. I hate lying and i was really nervous driving that far at night in the cold, but the ride ending up not being so bab. and on the way home Johnny Driscoll had me laughing with stories from the weekend. o the things i do for him and o how he owes me hahaha.

I got up at like 11:30 this morning hahaha it was great. i barelt rolled out a bed and through some clothes on and went to work. another entertained afternoon with Francesco and Alex. Becuase my turfs were totally ruined, Francesco, being as awesome as he is, bought me knew ones. sadly they were too big. So Carlos bought them. lol Then chaves said she was coming to the game and said shed bring me turfs. But she never showed so i had to play in my chucks. it sucked. they were too heavy and i couldnt shoot right. it sucked. it she kinda let me down. i wanted to talk to her and help her cheer up and i really wanted to talk to her about some stuff. but she didnt show. idk. whatever i guess.

I want Andres' dog. hes too cute.

tomorrows monday. that sucks. i want the weekend to come. maybe itll be more fun then this weekend. i mean dont get me wrong i love the guys i work with me. but working is just boring. and i loved hanging with johnny saturday night but i still had to lie and i was all nervous. idk. whatevs


best quote of the weekend was from my mums friend from New Jersey "come to jersey with your mum one weekend. there are lots of hot blonde tan life guards. nothing much up here [points to her head] but thats okay you can just use them as sex toys!" [she laughs and then looks at my mum who is laughing but shocked] "oh sorry thats how i talk to my children!"

i have a lot to talk about but i really dont have the energy or the strength to right now


Dear Vanessa,
I regret not keeping in better touch with you these past couple years. I didn't realize how sick you truly were. Thank you for being one of the loudest and cheerest people i ever met, even when that got on my nervous. I know there were many times where i didnt even like being in your presence but that does not change that fact that you were a great person. You will always be my teammate and my captain. I'm sorry you had to battle something so scary as an illness. You were an amazingly strong person and i cant imagine the fught you must have put up. It is in times like these that i truly believe god has another plan for us. To take you away so young from your family, boyfriend, friends, and admirers, you had to be someone very special to god. You will never, ever be forgotten Vanessa. My love, thoughts, and prayers are with your loved ones and . Rest in peace, Vanessa...i wish i got to say goodbye

-Vanessa Ardagna - Class of 2005 - Jan 20, 2007-

i have a lot to write about...but im tired so here a little something for now

tonight was fun. the play was awesome... sarah was simply amazing. she looked awesome and sounded awesome. i really couldnt believe how great she did. i think mario was in awe too. hes so cute. hes so good to her and i love it. it makes me so happy, the two of them together. and im really glad mario and i have gotten so close.

little awkwardness today. whatev i guess?

my ankle hers like woah, and my knee is popping, its pretty gross

i drove down to our spot really quick tonight. idk.

updates for another time: din with angel, jason's reaction, play/din with girls, thats it?



quite a few people told me i looked really pretty tonight. and i think for the first time like ever, i believed them. it made me feel really special. especially when shaina told me that she and nina has a conversation about who the prettiest girl in the school was and they said me. i was really touched. i mean i dont give that much of damn about appearance, and ive given up on dressing nice, but idk, it was really sweet of them to say. i lack a lot of self confidence, especially in that department and it really felt great to have that been said.


miss him...but really very happy in general...but miss him


in pain, so good night

Well this week has been stressful... getting back to school was not fun.

we one our first track me though. it was such a great feeling. i was so proud. i am so honored to be their captain :)

many funny times at the meet too...people are too much


my confusion was completely gone on wednesday....all he has to do is look at me...jeez lol...on thursday i knew what i had to do

i went to track..it was brutal..had to leave early, i felt bad....like passed out at work, then Francesco made me help knock balls from the rafters, that went no where lol....then i had to put stats in (BORING! lol)....then i cleaned.....but 7:30 i was getting ready to go....and for once, for i think the first time ever, i wasnt nervous, i was simply excited




last night was the happiest ive ever been. everything was simply perfect...im all smiles and it wont stop, and i dont mind at all

I want to make new years resolutions and keep them. but i dont know if i can. that should be amy new years resolution: keep my new years resolutions lol....there are so many i could make too


last night ended up being massive amounts of fun. and to think i was almost all alone.... chaves + johnnydriscoll + kippy + me + the crazy portuguese chaves family= such good times


2006 was an odd year....many downs, but many ups....i think more ups than downs which is awesome...im looking forward to this year. I mean cmon its finally 07. the year ive been waiting for most of my life thus far. so much is going to happen this year and its awesome.


my college apps are done...just gotta put my CMU portfolio together by this week and im set....woot woot woot woot.....im so excited, i dont have to worry about it anymore. well see where fate takes me next.


boys suck btw....im so fucking confused.....thanks chaves btw for not helping this situation....but yea he does have nice eyes....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......i need to stop this....all of it.......arg


i think im gonna watch pride and prejudice again while i do physics.....fucking physics, pain in my butt!!!!...pride and prejudice=amazing


here we go 2007.....goodbye 2006, you will be missed

i dont know even if i even know where to begin. all i know is i need to get away. i need a vacation from life completely. my college apps are due in like two days and they arent out yet, well cornell and bucknell arent. smith i have a few more days but the application is pretty easy i might be able to get that out tomorrow. i need to finish them. it will be a big relief knowing they are done. i need to do my calc project and do my physics test. i kinda just wanna go talk pictures all day.

i cant seem to get my mind off him. and it sucks. it sucks really bad. i try to distract myself, but everything always comes back to him. i play the same words over and over in my head. i need to stop.

i want to me so many new years resolution but i fear i wont keep any of them. i rarely keep promises to myself. i will say this time ill do it. and i wont. i hate that. i really really need to stick by my resolutions this year, i really do.

speaking of, i cant believe 2006 is over. everything seems to be going by so fast, yet things are approaching so slowly. its very odd.

ay yi yi

i dont really know what to do with myself. blah

i may actually have someone to hang out with on new years...yay!...still not gonna be that exciting...but i might not be stuck by myself




"you may only call me "Mrs. Darcy" when you are completely, perfectly and incandescently happy."
"And how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy? Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Darcy"

I bought part of a christmas gift today. im no way near done. i have the whole least to do...arg...and i hate not being able to think of good gifts. i hate just getting gift cert. and stuff idk it makes it seem like you had no time or didnt care and i hate that. and i had to do that for sonia's bday present and i wasnt happy.....grrr christmas is stressful


im pretty screwed with my college stuff....i really should get stanford's out like tomorrow but i just cant think of what to write...its awful....and everything else is due like friday cause thats when im sending out teacher what not....arg...i wish i was done.....but i really glad all my friends will be finding out friday where they are doing to school while im not even done with my apps...not fair :(


i have these feelings that i dont like having but i cant help it. they eat me alive. i feel so hurt but i guess its understandable, i guess. but i have to give up. i tried i really did, but i guess its all shot to hell now. maybe one day things will change...siigh...


i never wrote about how awesome the meet was last thursday. for being so nervous it was a big relief...and i didnt get the time i wanted but i won...and i almost four stepped every hurdle, almost...i was happy it was a lot a fun.







im so infatuated with him, yet he barely seems to notice me....o well

this has been an interesting weekend i guess you can say.

i had a complete breakdown friday night, just totally and completely. i even interupted chaves and mario and they came out in the freezing cold just to hold me cause i was so upset. poor mario didnt even have a jacket on and all chaves had was mario's sweatershirt. i dont know what id do without either of them. i would do anything at the drop of a hat for them.

work was kinda funny on saturday. we had an all out war with the sticky hands you get out of the little machines for like fifty cents. there was a little kid and he like attacked us with them everytime we stepped outta the office. and i think andres said "served!" about one zillion times lol

saturday night we watched freddy got fingered at Hanslin's house. i think it was the worst/disgusting movie ive ever seen. it made no sense. and it was gross. then we watched Band Camp and thats just a funny movie so it was all good. its a lot better now that chaves and mario are together cause it gives me and hanslin more room in his bed cause mario and chaves are cuddled together and hanslin and i dont have to squish lol

today was pretty boring, i worked again...i went on a cleaning/concessions freak out lol...i have a whole plan for friday, im gonna a label and clean somemore and maybe even do like an inventory....maybe ill finally get paid more haha


i need to christmas shop


i need to stop worrying about keeping everyone happy


i need to start remembernig im getting out of here soon enough


i need to remember i have more than enough people who love me

yea

hmmmmmmmm well i never wrote this but yesterday i totally flipped out at some boys on the JV basketball team lol. it was kinda funny now that i think about it but i def cared them shitless. Victoria and i talked about it today and i guess she tried to convince them that im not a complete pyscho lol but yea, i saw one of them today after track and he immediately moved outta my way. it was a giggle moment. i think i broke a set of blocks to cause i semi-ch ucked them into the bin....i also threw a shoe lol.... but yea today was less stressful. i tried to chillax and be cool....very anti me haha

of course Vic and me had to get on the wonderful subject of boys....we caught each other up on whats gone down and what not.......lots of things to think about now hahaha

and i never got to thank johnny driscoll in yesterdays entry either....cause hes amazing and takes good care of me lol hes such a good friend to me and im really lucky to have him in my life

we had this crazy guy come to the school yesterday and talk about drugs, gangs and shit...i think it was a bunch of bullshit, but it was amusing....best quotes "I wanted to pimp so hoes" and "You know the little helmet to put on the little soldier"...i have a feeling hes never coming to speak but nice try RHS

i need to go christmas shopping...ug

how i havent touched this thing in forever but i feel like writing again so here it goes


so yea.....this are well things....sometimes they are shitty and sometimes they arent. i seem to jump all over the place with my emotions. ay yi yi. i've started keeping a written journal again. more in like just stream of consciousness...its very holden caulfield without the goddamns, chrissakes and sonuvabitches, you know....but yea.

There are 182 days til Graduation. On the 100th day Im totally making a paper chain like Ellen said before and hanging it somewhere in the school, maybe McKenna's room or something. i cant wait til i found out where im going cause then i can start a countdown til i move out.






o yea....he keeps my head spinning. yet im still waiting....blah

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